Privacy

We collect what we need to sell you the smirk. Not your childhood. Not your group chat. Not a shadow version of you in a spreadsheet. The boring list is below, because the law asked nicely and we still have to tell the truth.

Orders. When you check out, Shopify takes your card details, email, and shipping address. We never see or store your card number. We’re trolls, not thieves. We keep your email, what you bought, and shipping address so we can show your receipt, run the shop, and send review mail. Still never your card number.

Abandoned checkout. Start checkout and bounce? Reminders come from checkout, not from us lurking in the bag. There is no “save this bag” form on this site.

Restock alerts. Ask to be told when something returns and we keep your email against that item until we’ve pinged you. Then it’s done. Too slow is still too slow.

Reviews. Sign in with email first. We only take a review if you bought that item. Reviews go under review and can take up to 72 hours to publish. Your display name and review text are public once published. The checkout email we match it to is not published. Spam doesn’t count as a rating.

Newsletter. Email only, and only if you type it in (footer or the merch popup). This is for junk mail, ads, and a discount code when we offer one. We send both. Cool!

Shop account. Email sign-in sends a one-time link. That stores the address on a profile so we can match orders and reviews. You can attach X and token gating later. Create+ still needs X. Signing out ends the session; it does not automatically delete that record.

Your cart itself lives on this device until you check out or save it. We can’t see it from here. Problem?

Listing in Community Creations requires proof you hold tokens, without a wallet popup on this site. We check that through Matrica Connect: you sign in there, we read whether you hold the required collection or token, and we never ask this site to pop a wallet. Shopping still works without connecting anything.

Sign in with X to look. Any regular X account works. That stores your X user id, handle, display name, avatar URL, follower counts, and whether X marks the account verified. Creating a listing requires tokens or the nft via Matrica Connect. You do not need a verified X badge. Voting needs tokens or the nft or both. Token holders’ votes count as 1; nft holders’ votes count as 1; token plus nft holders count as 3. We keep votes and submitted mockups. Mockups you upload are public once the idea is listed. Signing out ends the session; it does not automatically delete that record. Logging off is not a vanishing act.

Marketing pixels (Google, Meta, TikTok) only load after you accept them in the consent banner. Hit nah and they never run. We are not going to pretend the banner is decoration. Either way we keep ordinary server logs (IP address, timestamp, path) to catch abuse and breakage. If you’re trying to break the shop, we would like to know.

We don’t sell your data. We don’t rent your inbox. We don’t build shadow profiles. That isn’t the bit. We don’t email you unless you asked, bought something, or checkout sends an abandoned reminder you started. If you wanted a store that quietly files you, this isn’t it.

Checkout and payments go through Shopify. Other vendors we hire handle mail, hosting, and keeping the shop from getting kicked in. Sign-in with X is X. Each gets only what its job needs, and their policies govern their handling.

Apparel tagged Via Goatfarm checks out on Goatfarm. That order is theirs: their form, their data, their policy. New tab. Not us.

Orders stick around while we have tax and chargeback reasons to keep them. The tax man is not a bit we can troll. Saved carts and restock alerts are cleared once they’ve done their job or gone stale. Unsubscribing removes you from the newsletter. Instantly, not “in 6–8 business moods.”

Ask us and we’ll tell you what we hold on you, correct it, or delete it, subject to records we’re legally required to keep. If you’re in the EU/UK or California you have these rights by law. We honour them for everyone regardless, because being petty about geography is a different kind of troll. You can still be mad. We will still delete it.

Privacy requests, questions, and “u mad bro” energy: umadbro.shop. Also see Terms, if you’re still reading.